Sunday, December 27, 2009
There’s something about the nighttime with me. I’m not sure what it is exactly, but it seems at night my creative “juices” are just flowing. I can think more clearly; I can construct sentences in a manner that just seem to make more sense. I have no idea why this may be, but I know for certain that it is.
I promised a new BLOG recently, and well, I just keep putting it off. Again, I’m not sure why, I just seem to be avoiding it for some reason. Maybe it is because I knew from the beginning, even before the beginning, that when I started this new BLOG it would be more along the nostalgic themes; more along the lines of always talking about the past, always looking backward at what was instead of looking forward to what might be. And I think that scares me some. I believe that it is an indication of someone getting older, and face it; no one wants to get older. But then again, it’s better than the alternative.
Well recently I had one of those moments. You know, one of those moments when suddenly it hits you. Your sitting there thinking and BAM, suddenly you realize that you aren’t all that old, you just have a lot of experience. And when you think of it that way, well, it just doesn’t seem so bad.
A couple of days ago, at our family Christmas celebration I was talking to my favorite dark haired niece that is 21 years old. It’s funny really how the simplest things can cause you to just want to write. Well, with me, it causes me to just want to write. We briefly talked about a card that I gave her on the occasion of her graduation from high school. In that card I wrote on a piece of paper some very simple thoughts that I wanted to share with her. Well, just talking with her about that card, and the memories that it brought up has ultimately led me here. I’m ready to start writing again.
While I don’t remember everything that I wrote in that card, I do recall that in it I wrote about dreams and goals. I mentioned things I had wanted when I graduated high school, and things as they had actually turned out. I mentioned that I had traveled the world. I made comment of many of the wonderful places I had been, and even bragged a little about some of the things I had experienced. I talked about simple things like sunrises and sunsets. I told her how that I had come to appreciate my family and everything that they had really meant to me over the years. I recall that somewhere in that card I suggested to her that she dream big. But what I remember most from that card was this one line that I wrote, and if you will allow, I’d like to share that line here. I think it will set the tone for what I hope, for now anyway, that my new BLOG will mostly talk about. I believe that line read very much like this…………”But it seems that no matter where I went, no matter what I may have experienced, that what I wanted more than anything else, was just to come home……”
Home.
You know, there once was a time that I would have told you that “home” was a place. I know better than that now. Home is not a place at all. Home is a state of being. Home is a feeling of security. Home as the old saying goes, is where the heart is. You know, it is only recently that I have come to understand that old saying.
There is in fact a place; a structure that still exists that is the house that is where I grew up. Or at least, where we lived during the most part of my child hood years. It is the place that so many still call ‘Grandma’s House’. But Grandma doesn’t live there now. And neither do I. I am very happy however that my oldest brother and his wife do live there. I am very happy it is still ‘in the family’. But the simple truth is, it isn’t where I live anymore, and it certainly isn’t where Grandma lives. So that cannot be home. There is that house where we lived when my baby girl was born. But then again, we only lived there a few months after she was born. So that is not home. Then there is the house we bought and lived in for about 13 years. This would be the house that my daughter can say as an adult where she grew up or spent most of her child hood years. But that isn’t home either. I have mostly lived in Atlanta for the last several years. But neither of those places are home either.
Home.
On Thanksgiving this year, and last year too, our family held our Thanksgiving celebration at my sister Cheryl’s house. Most of my family was there. Now that is not the house where I live and have never lived, but while we were there and all together, I was at home. And then on Christmas of this year and of many of the years past we had our Christmas Celebration at the house of my older sister Joan. As was the case on Thanksgiving, most of my family was there. And yet again, this is not the place where I live, but once again when I was there with all my family, just like at Thanksgiving I felt like I was home.
Huh! Two different places where I have never lived yet I knew without doubt that I was home each place and each time.
Home.
Home it seems is just not a place. Instead, it is an environment. An environment that can be replicated apparently anywhere that you can surround yourself with those people that are closest to you. Home it seems is a place where you can draw upon the love and support of those people that helped define who you are and whom you have and will become. Home I know now is that place where you can finally sit back, relax, and just be who you are. No pretences necessary; just be who you are. There’s really only two words to describe that; home and nice.
Home.
A place where we laugh, a place where we cry, a place where we play, a place where we pray, and a place where we can remember for a while the past and at the same time talk about our hopes for the future.
I’m glad that I was blessed to go home this year for Christmas and hope to have many more trips home again. I’m hopeful that my own kids can come to this place where I have arrived and that is the knowledge of what and where home is.
I am most happy that I know the symptoms of being homesick and more importantly I know the exact prescription needed to bring about miraculous and immediate recovery from this illness…………….no matter where I may go, no matter what I may experience, what I want more than anything else, is just to go home……
And by the way Whitney; that song we just couldn’t think of…..”It’s So Peaceful”
More to come………
Gary
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